Expectancy and Joy

A few weeks after the blood test, we had an ultrasound to check heartbeats. At this point we didn't know if there were two babies or just one. We didn't even know for certain that there would be one since a positive test is not a guarantee. Shane and Ericka were visiting and I was planning to drop them and the kids off at the water park before heading over. I was so nervous about everything though that making a U-turn had me totally flustered so Shane took over the driving and offered to drive me to the U/S after dropping the kids.

We drove over and met Hans at the medical center. All three of us went in and up on the screen we saw two little black sacks and inside each sack was a strong little heartbeat! You couldn't distinguish much else, but you could clearly see the hearts beating I was so happy and so relieved to see that they had both made it. It was sweet to share that moment with Hans and my little brother.

Since then they have continued to grow bigger and stronger every day. It has been an amazing experience. I have loved having them with me every moment. I was filled with joy and wonder when I began feeling the little fluttering of life inside of me. The best way I can describe those initial tiny movements was "little fishes." Long before this time, I had visions of one day carrying a child accompanied by sensations in my womb of warmth or longing and a feeling of joy. In those times when I thought this day might never come, I would remember those feelings.

Since then the movements have become much stronger- kicking, hiccups, stretching or rolling.  I love all of it- I love watching my bare belly moving or putting my hands over it and feeling them move, sometimes responding to my touch. I stare at my belly now and can't believe our two little boys are inside, waiting to come out into the world and meet their family.

I've been very blessed to have a relatively easy pregnancy. Getting to this point was not easy- going through all the fertility disappointments and then the treatments with the crazy hormones and bloating. But the pregnancy itself has been smooth. There was a little scare with some bleeding in the first trimester that went away quickly and a heart check reassured us all was well. The first trimester nausea was constant for some weeks, but mostly mild-only "lost my lunch" about 4 times total.

Other than that it has been the usual symptoms- difficulty breathing, sleeping, making a million trips to the bathroom, occasional ligament pain or backaches, occasional nasty gurd, which usually was eased with a dose or two of TUMS, getting tired and achy and not being able to walk as fast as I'm used to, or as long, being constantly thirsty and often stuffy. The hardest part was getting sick right around Thanksgiving. I had a terrible cough that got better just before Christmas and then came back worse just after. It had me exhausted day and night. Hans and I were both worried about the babies when the coughing became particularly violent, but our doctor reassured us that they would be fine. People at work were very understanding and I was able to take sick time to rest when needed. Being sick really does make you grateful for wellness and I have been able to mostly just enjoy the pregnancy since then.

And now, although I can hardly believe it, the time has come. I am and will always be so very grateful that Hans chose this adventure with me. Tomorrow we will go to the hospital to be induced(at 38 weeks-which is standard procedure for twins). Henry and Hollis- named after strong and faithful great grandfathers will be in our arms and we will be responsible to teach them and privileged to love them. I will be their mother-forever. I hope they will always know who they are and how much they are loved. I hope they will follow the example of their father and grandfathers. I hope they will grow up strong in conviction, kind and helpful, and that they will be happy and love life-finding joy in the things that matter most.