Everybody Wins!

I recently read the book Getting to Yes for my leadership class. Fisher and Ury describe a common sense approach to negotiations based on principles and interests where everyone can come out as a winner. It was an easy read, and I learned a lot from the book. But, I learned much more from getting to practice these tools in class.

I was very nervous about having to spend 45 minutes negotiating one-on-one. I was representing a large oil company trying to buy a service station from the current owners. I knew from class that I wanted to be the first to speak- to set the anchor price, but hesitated a moment. As soon as my classmate presented her initial offer, I felt panicky. I regrouped and came back with a much lower offer. But, this did not give me much room for bartering, and we were soon at a standstill, ...I thought.

Agnes suggested that perhaps we had said all we could and should return to class. But, I knew there had to be a way to find something that would work. So, we kept talking, finding out about each other's interests, and coming up with creative solutions. Even after we finished, I felt like I might have lost. In fact, the teacher came in to observe and said, "I thought for sure your negotiations were going to fail."

I didn't realize how much my paradigm really was distributive(win-lose). I always had a sense that my more reserved, quiet personality was somewhat doomed to lose when faced with stronger, more dominant types.

As we discussed the experience with our class, I realized that we had come up with an imaginative and plausible solution that could benefit both parties. I discovered that my strengths as a negotiator are in my patience, determination, and ability to listen, to understand and relate to people's needs and wants. I also learned that, if I am willing to express myself, to be a little more vulnerable and assertive, I can get more of what I want out of life. And this does not have to be at someone else's expense. Life is abundant!