Rewriting Dreams

I am currently reading A Single Voice by Kristen M. Oaks. I am about half way through, and feeling like I am reading a message that was meant for me. I'd recommend it to anyone who is single or to anyone who knows someone who has been single for longer than expected.

Which brings me to my topic... The title of the section I just finished in the book is "Be Ready to Rewrite the Dream."

A few years ago, I read another book titled These Is My Words by Nancy Turner. This is about a girls growing up in frontier America. She loves books and dreams of going to college. Eventually, she marries a good man and starts a family. She watches with some sadness, and a little resentment, as her dream of advanced education slips away. One day, surrounded by her children and loving husband, she realizes that she is happy- that she loves her life- just the way it is. She is filled with joy and gratitude, as she says, "I declare, it is like some other part of me made up some rules about happiness and I just went along with them without thinking. My heart is lightened so much that I am amazed at how sad I felt for so long."

Sister Oaks says that "Our expectations will nearly always differ from the realities that come to us."

So true! I planned to go to college, get my math degree in four years, maybe go on a mission, and then come home and get married. You think you know where you will be in a year, who you will be living with, what kind of a job you'll have, and then life happens.

Sister Oaks quotes a friend who said, "What I dream of and desire often has little to do with the blessings Heavenly Father has in store for me. "

We should have goals, but at times we have to readjust. As we are planning our lives, we need to include the Lord. Adversity may help us to be flexible, and to "clarify what is truly essential and dear to us." I tend to get really comfortable where I am, even if I am not totally happy with it. When I don't seek the changes I need, at times the Lord has kind of pushed me forward by making it impossible to stay put. Sometimes it hurts and I rebel. But, as I adapt, and open myself up to new opportunities, I see the Lord's hand in my life. I am so grateful for the many unexpected blessings that came from the things I haven't planned.

Everybody Wins!

I recently read the book Getting to Yes for my leadership class. Fisher and Ury describe a common sense approach to negotiations based on principles and interests where everyone can come out as a winner. It was an easy read, and I learned a lot from the book. But, I learned much more from getting to practice these tools in class.

I was very nervous about having to spend 45 minutes negotiating one-on-one. I was representing a large oil company trying to buy a service station from the current owners. I knew from class that I wanted to be the first to speak- to set the anchor price, but hesitated a moment. As soon as my classmate presented her initial offer, I felt panicky. I regrouped and came back with a much lower offer. But, this did not give me much room for bartering, and we were soon at a standstill, ...I thought.

Agnes suggested that perhaps we had said all we could and should return to class. But, I knew there had to be a way to find something that would work. So, we kept talking, finding out about each other's interests, and coming up with creative solutions. Even after we finished, I felt like I might have lost. In fact, the teacher came in to observe and said, "I thought for sure your negotiations were going to fail."

I didn't realize how much my paradigm really was distributive(win-lose). I always had a sense that my more reserved, quiet personality was somewhat doomed to lose when faced with stronger, more dominant types.

As we discussed the experience with our class, I realized that we had come up with an imaginative and plausible solution that could benefit both parties. I discovered that my strengths as a negotiator are in my patience, determination, and ability to listen, to understand and relate to people's needs and wants. I also learned that, if I am willing to express myself, to be a little more vulnerable and assertive, I can get more of what I want out of life. And this does not have to be at someone else's expense. Life is abundant!