Rewriting Dreams

I am currently reading A Single Voice by Kristen M. Oaks. I am about half way through, and feeling like I am reading a message that was meant for me. I'd recommend it to anyone who is single or to anyone who knows someone who has been single for longer than expected.

Which brings me to my topic... The title of the section I just finished in the book is "Be Ready to Rewrite the Dream."

A few years ago, I read another book titled These Is My Words by Nancy Turner. This is about a girls growing up in frontier America. She loves books and dreams of going to college. Eventually, she marries a good man and starts a family. She watches with some sadness, and a little resentment, as her dream of advanced education slips away. One day, surrounded by her children and loving husband, she realizes that she is happy- that she loves her life- just the way it is. She is filled with joy and gratitude, as she says, "I declare, it is like some other part of me made up some rules about happiness and I just went along with them without thinking. My heart is lightened so much that I am amazed at how sad I felt for so long."

Sister Oaks says that "Our expectations will nearly always differ from the realities that come to us."

So true! I planned to go to college, get my math degree in four years, maybe go on a mission, and then come home and get married. You think you know where you will be in a year, who you will be living with, what kind of a job you'll have, and then life happens.

Sister Oaks quotes a friend who said, "What I dream of and desire often has little to do with the blessings Heavenly Father has in store for me. "

We should have goals, but at times we have to readjust. As we are planning our lives, we need to include the Lord. Adversity may help us to be flexible, and to "clarify what is truly essential and dear to us." I tend to get really comfortable where I am, even if I am not totally happy with it. When I don't seek the changes I need, at times the Lord has kind of pushed me forward by making it impossible to stay put. Sometimes it hurts and I rebel. But, as I adapt, and open myself up to new opportunities, I see the Lord's hand in my life. I am so grateful for the many unexpected blessings that came from the things I haven't planned.

Everybody Wins!

I recently read the book Getting to Yes for my leadership class. Fisher and Ury describe a common sense approach to negotiations based on principles and interests where everyone can come out as a winner. It was an easy read, and I learned a lot from the book. But, I learned much more from getting to practice these tools in class.

I was very nervous about having to spend 45 minutes negotiating one-on-one. I was representing a large oil company trying to buy a service station from the current owners. I knew from class that I wanted to be the first to speak- to set the anchor price, but hesitated a moment. As soon as my classmate presented her initial offer, I felt panicky. I regrouped and came back with a much lower offer. But, this did not give me much room for bartering, and we were soon at a standstill, ...I thought.

Agnes suggested that perhaps we had said all we could and should return to class. But, I knew there had to be a way to find something that would work. So, we kept talking, finding out about each other's interests, and coming up with creative solutions. Even after we finished, I felt like I might have lost. In fact, the teacher came in to observe and said, "I thought for sure your negotiations were going to fail."

I didn't realize how much my paradigm really was distributive(win-lose). I always had a sense that my more reserved, quiet personality was somewhat doomed to lose when faced with stronger, more dominant types.

As we discussed the experience with our class, I realized that we had come up with an imaginative and plausible solution that could benefit both parties. I discovered that my strengths as a negotiator are in my patience, determination, and ability to listen, to understand and relate to people's needs and wants. I also learned that, if I am willing to express myself, to be a little more vulnerable and assertive, I can get more of what I want out of life. And this does not have to be at someone else's expense. Life is abundant!

Indexing and Who Do You Think You Are?

My cute roommate Tiffany is over Familysearch indexing for our ward. Familysearch gathers, preserves, and shares geneological records worldwide. Indexing is done by volunteers who type in the data from original handritten records. Anyone can do it. Just go here to get started, or talk to the indexing person in your ward. It is really fun, and a great way to do service- from your own home, anytime. Warning: this can be addicting. Our ward is currently having a friendly competition with another single's ward, which make it even more fun. Seriously though, you really start to feel a connection to these people(the spirit of Elijah, perhaps?) I often start to wonder about their lives- why they immigrated to America, and how things turned out for them here, what happened to this young widow's husband, and how did she manage? I wonder if someday I will get to meet them, and share stories. And sometimes I think of my own future family and the legacy I might leave for them.

Tiffany and I always pull out our laptops and index while watching our favorite shows. One of my favs to watch while indexing is Who Do You Think You Are? The show is a documentary that follows a different celebrity each week as they trace their family tree. Some of the stories are pretty amazing. You can go here to watch episodes online.

A Tale of Two Cities

Today I saw a production of Tale of Two Cities at the Hale Center Theater in West Valley. I have been able to attend several plays at the Hale Theater, including Scarlett Pimpernel, Fiddler on the Roof, and Christmas Carol, and have thoroughly enjoyed each one.

Dicken's Two Cities is a powerful story of love and redemption, set during the horrors of the French Revolution and the terrible oppression that led to it. The story illustrates the choice each of us faces when meeting with tragedy- to harden our hearts and withdraw into darkness, or to keep our hearts soft and draw closer to God and others. I couldn't stop the tears during the final scenes, and when we stood for the ovation at the end, I felt like we were cheering for the all of the good in every one. Carton thought of himself of as nothing but a worthless drunk, but he became a saint and a savior, and the power is in each of us.

The Hale Theater is known for the technicality of its productions. We were impressed by the details and the seemless way in which they moved from scene to scene. The music was at times touchingly sweet, as they prayed for the innocence of a little girl, and at times haunting and powerful, in the case of Madame DeFarge.

If you can, I would highly recommend seeing the production. If not, read the book, even if you already have.

Lark Rise to Candleford

A while ago, I was visiting a charming blog written by Marie, in England. She listed the show, Lark Rise to Candleford, as one of her "smilemakers." Go here to read what she says about the show. I subsequently rented Season 1 at the library and fell in love. If you enjoy Jane Austen movies, or James Herriott books, or Elizabeth Gaskell stories, go check it out. Lark Rise now airs in America on PBS. In Utah, it is on Saturday nights. I love it for its sweetness, and wisdom, and, of course, a bit of romance. I've already got Mom hooked. Sorry Dad. :)

Birthdays Aren't So Bad ~ Part II

As I said in the previous post, I really was not looking forward to my birthday this year. The thought of the impending, inescapable date made me cringe. This was probably due in part to some negative past experiences(see previous post).

Another reason for my birthday reticence is that I don't like to be the center of attention, and did not want anyone to feel obligated to come. Talking to Tiff about her birthday plans last night, I realized I am not the only one who feels that way. I have learned that we are rarely the only ones who have ever thought or felt what we do. Maybe that is part of the shared experience of being human…

Back to the topic…. Luckily, since my sweet roommate Ester and I have birthdays only a few days apart, we had a combined party. This took off some of the pressure and stress of having all the focus on me.

I woke to a text from a dear friend telling me to check my porch.

When I opened my bedroom door, this was my first birthday surprise of the day. So cute! I have the sweetest roommates! Oh, and they gave me an adorable apron, since they know how much I love to cook. Now, I don't have to risk messing up my clothes, and get to be soooo cute while I cook! (I'll be sure to include a picture of it in another post.)

And waiting on the porch...

At first, I just stared at it and wondered what 11:34 meant- a scripture reference, or some urban dictionary reference, like 4:20? Finally, I looked inside the Happy Birthday bag and found envelopes for every hour from 7:34 to 4:34. I felt like a kid, watching the clock until the next "34" came so I could open my next surprise- all kinds of things that could only have come from people who knew me really well… Herdez salsa with a spoon ;), funny and inspirational youtube videos, pretty, sparkly earrings, wishing cranes, and delicious cupcakes(pumpkin with a delightful caramel frosting, peanut butter and chocolate, orange poppy seed). It made me feel like I got to spend my whole day with friends.

In the afternoon, I met up with Laura to go to Melia's princess dance class- the cutest thing ever. After that, Bo and I went to the High School to play tennis. When we got back to the house, Laura had made whole wheat pizza from scratch. I could eat this every week, maybe every day. So, we had birthday dinner and celebrated with the girls- party hats, presents(Melia gave me a rocking horse she had picked out herself, and a handmade card), and yummy raspberry cheesecake.

After the girls were in bed, Vero, Shalei, Brianne, and Erin all came over and we spent the rest of the night chatting. Vero drove all the way down from Bountiful even though she was jetlagged from her trip to Europe and did my nails while we visited.

The birthday party on Friday was a lot of fun too. All the people I was wanting most to see were there. And did you see the pretty(and deliciously homemade) chocolate cake? I love sharing a birthday with Ester. Oh, and then, I got to see The Secretariat, and you know how I love horse movies.

34 was perfect -because I did exactly what I wanted to do- because when people asked me what I wanted I was not afraid to tell them- because I have been blessed with wonderful friends and family- and because Birthdays are

Fun!

Birthdays aren't so Bad ~ Part I

I really, really did not want to have a birthday this year. I even considered flying to a remote island until the month was over in order to avoid it.(no, not seriously) But, I was anxious about it. Maybe because I have had some bad experiences with birthdays. It may have started with 16- kind of a letdown- no dating or driving and some of my friends ended up having a big argument and making the party awkward and unpleasant for everyone.

33 was a rough one. Just having moved, I kind of planned my own party, which felt awkward. It was a good learning experience though. I learned that it is better to ask for what you really want. I really wanted to go to the temple and have waffles with my closest girl friends- maybe on the Saturday before, and then on the actual day to go someplace nice or just new and adventurous with Mr. B.(the guy I was dating)

Honestly, it was a good day. I had a great boyfriend who brought me flowers and my favorite ice cream and gave me tickets to see Matt Kearney in concert. I had sweet friends who met up for dinner and many who came from across the valley in a snow storm. I appreciated all of it, really. But, I should have told my dear friends when they asked what I really wanted. Maybe if I had been in the habit of doing that-of not holding back, of trusting, and of believing that what I felt and what I wanted was worthwhile and good, I would have enjoyed the day, and maybe my relationship with Mr. B. would have lasted a little longer. Maybe I would not have felt so empty and alone after everyone went home. But, I am grateful for the learning experience, and for the friends who put up with me as I continue to work on becoming more open and expressive.
Here is an excerpt from notes I wrote to myself on Oct 20, 2009: "I don't know why I planned the whole party thing... to be cool maybe. But I would rather be real, so I am going to work on that."

I promise most of my postings will be positive, but, notice, this is only Part I. It gets better.

34

For my thirty-fourth birthday I am starting a blog. Thanks to Palmyra for encouraging me to do it even though I told her that I didn't need to until I got married and started having kids. ;)
I like lists, movie lists, book lists, wish lists... So, I thought that for my first entry, I would do a list- of 34 things. The first 20 come from the Recapturing Beauty 10 Challenge organized by BYU Women's Services last month. One of the challenges was to list 10 things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with the physical, and 10 things that you like about your body.

So, here it is.

Non-Physical

1. I like that I surround myself with great people. I have amazing friends and have dated really good guys. If birds of a feather flock together- then I must be pretty great.

2. I am a very good cook. I like that I make yummy health food and that I enjoy healthy foods.

3. I am smart.

4. I am a hugger. I like that I love peole and love to show it by listening and hugging.

5. I like that I am kind, don't get offended easily, and am usually pretty quick to forgive.

6. I have fun ideas, and I like that I can get people together for fun times.

7. I like that I enjoy singing in the shower, and I have a pretty good voice. Or at least, I enjoy using it, and that is what counts. :)

8. I always want to do good and generally make good choices.

9. I have always been responsible and good at caring for people.

10. I like that I am adventurous.

Physical

1. I have a cute smile.

2. I like the shape and fulness of my lips.

3. I have a cute Thompson bum.

4. I am fit and can run and dance.

5. My eyes are a pretty color.

6. I like that I am petite.

7. I tan well.

8. I have great calves.

9. Cute haircuts.

10. Nice arms.

and to finish it off...

14 things I am grateful for:

1. A strong, loving family.

2. Supportive friends.

3. A testimony of the gospel.

4. The gift and guidance of the Spirit.

5. Health

6. Mountains glowing pink.

7. Beautiful skyscapes- sunbeams, sunsets, sunrises, and cloud displays.

8. Music that inspires, uplifts, energizes, or calms the soul.

9. The scriptures, living prophets, and general conference.
10. Gardens with beautiful flowers, or delicious and colorful vegetables.

11. Temples

12. Animals- especially horses, and elephants, and bunny rabbits, and cute little puppies, and those great therapy animals that are so well-behaved and help people feel better.

13. Good books

14. America- our inspired constitution, and the freedom we enjoy -thanks to those who are willing to defend it.